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The other day, my friend,
[info]silverton, posted an entry about her first week of classes and how her shyness made it difficult to join in with class discussion. 
Shyness can have a profound effect on our interactions with others. I think most folks suffer from it to some extent. With that in mind, I thought I’d share my own struggle with this problem, and how I finally managed to overcome it.
I remember the day I decided to conquer my shyness. I was in my early twenties, married (not to Senior Management) and a house-owner. I stood at a coach stop for over an hour in the pouring rain, during which time I let coach after coach pull up and leave – many of which I later learned would have taken me to where I wanted to go – all because I was too shy to ask the drivers for information. 
The only reason I ever made it to my destination was because of some other strangers who came to that stop. They asked the driver of the next coach and I overheard his answer.
Don’t get me wrong.   I could answer a phone or speak to people if they spoke to me first (or in the case of my ten month stint as a pub disc jockey, if I had a microphone to talk to), I just couldn’t initiate a simple conversation with someone I didn’t know.
I got so mad at myself that day (not to mention more than a little damp). I decided I'd had enough of being afraid of other people. I didn’t have any plan, but I made myself a promise that I wasn't going to be shy anymore. 
I vowed to start a conversation with at least one new person every day – I worked in London back then, so finding a stranger wouldn’t be a problem.
I wish I could say things changed overnight, but they didn’t. It took me a week to sum up the courage to say ‘Hi’ to someone new, but I kept at it.  I’m so glad I did. One of the first things I discovered was that if you go halfway to strike up a friendly conversation, most folks will gladly go the other half.
In the years since then, I’ve gotten so good at forcing myself to confront my shyness, people actually think I’m confident (sometimes a little too confident). But you know something? I’m fine with that.   
I’ve met hundreds, possibly thousands of new people since that wet, windy day at the coach stop, some of whom I’m proud to call my good friends. If I hadn’t got so mad at myself back then, I’d probably still be the shy wallflower in the corner of the room, and where would be the fun in that? 

How about you? 

Has shyness had an impact on your life?

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Jan. 26th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
My mom laughs hysterically every time I say that I'm shy.

I grew up brash & outgoing, the annoying kid who always had her hand up first in class, talked to the new kids, and didn't notice that half the class hated me. As I grew more aware of social cues, I stopped. This was reinforced by a couple incidents where the mouth moved faster than the brain and what came out wasn't intentional -- but was remembered long by everyone around me and mocked.

So now I have an almost paralyzing fear of making a fool of myself in public. Which is probably why I blogged for months before I told anyone I was doing it. This despite the fact that I had to teach labs and lead test review sessions as a grad student -- one memorable incident was the physiology review when I explained the effect of nitric oxide on blood supply and the associated physical reaction (this is the mechanism Viagra works through). Yes, I stood up in front of a room full of college kids and talked about that with a straight face, and I'm still afraid to say "hi" to people at a con.

Maybe it's time for me to get over it.
Jan. 26th, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
'Maybe it's time for me to get over it.'

I wish you success :)

Things What I Wrote and Other Stuff

No longer in print but there are still some copies floating around out there

No longer in print but there are still some copies floating around out there



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NJ Writing groups - compressed

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