Jon Gibbs (jongibbs) wrote,
Jon Gibbs

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Who does that Shakespeare bloke think he is?

I know I always say you shouldn’t knock other writers, but sometimes, you just have to make an exception.

It seems wherever I look these days, there’s someone or other going on about how great that Shakespeare bloke is. Well I’m sorry, but as far as I’m concerned, the guy’s a shameless hack, stealing other people’s ideas and passing them off as his own work.

He tries to hide it by setting all his stories back in the olden days, but he doesn’t fool me for a moment. That so called ‘classic’ Romeo and Juliet? It’s just West Side Story without the singing, and anyone who’s ever seen The Lion King knows where he got the idea for Hamlet. Frankly, I’m surprised Disney hasn’t sued the guy.

And another thing; what’s with all the funny-sounding words and talking in rhymes? Talk about stuck in the past. Dr. Suess was doing that forty years ago.

People go on and on about how everything Shakespeare writes is great, but I’m not joining in. I’ll grant you, that Henry V thing was quite good, but Henries I thru IV must have gone straight to DVD ‘cause I never saw so much as a movie trailer for any of ‘em, did you? Maybe he was doing a George Lucas and made episode five first, but I doubt it.

Speaking of George Lucas, people thought he was a bit cheeky naming a character after his dog, Indiana, but at least he never named a lead character after himself, like a certain person did in Shakespeare in Love.

It’s possible that Shakespeare used to be good, but he sold out a long time ago. These days it’s all about sponsorship and product placement. Have you read the script for Macbeth? You just know there’ll be a commercial break around that ‘Out out damn spot’, line. If you think that’s bad, wait till you see who he’s got lined up to sponsor Othello. What’s he gonna call his next script? Monopoly?

Why do people let him get away with it? That’s what I wanna know. In Barnes & Noble the other day, I overheard a sales clerk telling some customers that Antony and Cleopatra was Shakespeare’s own creation. Lucky I was there to set him straight. I’m a bit of a history buff, and I know for a fact that story’s based on two real people who lived back in Roman times (the one between yore and the good old days). What a rip off! He didn’t even bother to change their names!

Still, good luck to the guy. Why should Bill Shakespeare care what I think? He’s sitting in his Hollywood mansion, soaking up the praise and counting his money, right?

He’s probably already working on his next blockbuster. With all this global warming fuss going on, I expect it’ll be some kind of disaster movie, like The Storm or The Hurricane or The Blizzard, just you wait and see.

So my question for today is: Just who does that Shakespeare bloke think he is?

Tags: fun

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