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I don't normally post on a Tuesday, or talk politics, but I had an epiphany last night and I wanted to share it.

After living here for five years, I’ve finally figured out how to make my way through the conversational minefield that is political discussion. 

I'm going to become a partisan. 

I know, it sounds a tad radical, but when you think about it, I'll save hundreds, maybe thousands, of hours by never having to think about or debate the finer points of an issue ever again.

If anyone would like to join me, I've set out an easy to use, twelve step program which will have you sorted in no time. 
Democrat or Republican, it doesn’t matter which side you choose, just follow these simple rules and you’ll never have to worry about the pros and cons of any important political occurrence  ever again. 


1.  At the first sign of political discussion, mentally recite your new motto: "My mind is made up, don't confuse me with the facts."

2.  Remember, the people on the other side are always wrong, except when they’re right, in which case, that’s only because they stole one of our ideas and are now trying to pass it off as their own.


3.  When our base protests in public, it’s patriotism, the people have a right to voice their objections. When their base does it, it’s a fake protest, organized in advance by cynical right/left (delete as appropriate) zealots and distinctly un-American - if you can throw in racist, fascist, commie or Nazi in there, all the better.


4.  We don’t care if a Bill’s 1,000 pages and no-one (including us) has read it, we want it passed – unless their lot wrote it, in which case, it must be stopped at all costs.


5.  When our guy slips up, it’s kinda charming, it shows he’s only human after all. When

their guy slips up, it’s more proof that he’s a halfwit who has no business running the country.


6.  If we lose a close election, it’s due to voter fraud/bribery/corruption and we’ll demand as many recounts as it takes until we’re declared the winner, or the Supreme Court tells us to give it up. When they lose a close election, you’d think they’d just accept defeat and bow out with a little dignity, but they never do.


7.  When our guy goes on TV to lecture the nation for an hour about an important issue and afterwards, no-one knows what he was talking about, that’s okay, he's trying to get us thinking about the broader aspects.  When their guy does it, he’s hiding something.


8.  They think everyone on our side is uneducated, naïve and/or evil, but we know the truth: It’s they who are uneducated, naïve and/or evil.


9.  If their side tries to rush a Bill through the system, they’re trying to hide something.  When ours does it, it’s only because the fate of the nation, and perhaps the free world, depends upon it.


10.  We all agree there's no place in politics or the media for vile, spiteful, personal attacks on political figures, except when it’s directed at people on their side, in which case, this is politics, not kindergarten. Besides, it’s ‘humor’, so that’s okay.  


11.  We are not radical, we are passionate.  They're the extremists. Those [insert string of expletives here] on the other side of the political fence can’t even talk about us without swearing, which just goes to prove they’re not as open-minded as we are.

12.  It's not about a rational discussion of the actual pros and cons of an issue, it's the 'He said, she said' that's important .  After all, it's only politics, it's not as if it affects anyone, right?

Hope that helps

Did I miss anything out?

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( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 11th, 2009 01:08 pm (UTC)
You're not allowed to vote, are you? ;)
Aug. 11th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
Not yet, which is probably for the best :)
(no subject) - bogwitch64 - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bogwitch64 - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bogwitch64 - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bogwitch64 - Aug. 11th, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wendigomountain - Aug. 12th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Aug. 13th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 11th, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC)
Yep. Spot on. :)

I've been saying it for years.
Aug. 11th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC)
Life seems so much more simple now :)
Aug. 11th, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
Careful now, with statements like that, you'll have your own political commentary show by the week's end.
Aug. 11th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
Lol, it would be like the Jerry Springer show :)
Aug. 11th, 2009 03:32 pm (UTC)
Heh, I think that pretty well covers it.
Aug. 11th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)
I actually like debating political issues (as in, actually discussing the pros and cons in a reasonable way), but I rarely get the chance :(
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 11th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
Sad to say, it's the same in the UK :(
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 11th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
Lol. For a moment there, I thought I was going to get flamed :)
Aug. 11th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
Aug. 11th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'm excited about all the extra writing time I'll have, now I don't have to think about issues any more :)
Aug. 11th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
not so random commenter
lolz, it is too bad that many people believe in all that.
Aug. 11th, 2009 05:52 pm (UTC)
Re: not so random commenter
What is it they say, 'Truth is stranger than fiction'?

Thanks for commenting :)
Aug. 11th, 2009 06:06 pm (UTC)
That certainly covers the two major parties. One thing, though — in general, it seems that people use "radical" to refer to the left-wing nutjobs, and "reactionary" to refer to the right-wing nutjobs. I've been corrected on my bi-partisan use of the words.
Aug. 11th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the heads-up, I'll try to remember that :)
Aug. 11th, 2009 07:06 pm (UTC)
Regarding number 8, I have found that nearly everyone is uneducated and naive, although not necessarily evil. No matter what group of people you apply it to (well, maybe not particle physicists), you are usually right.
Aug. 11th, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
Some particle physicists, maybe okay. Except for the ones on their side :P
Aug. 11th, 2009 09:16 pm (UTC)
::in best British accent:: "By George I think he's got it!"

Welcome to America.
Aug. 11th, 2009 09:34 pm (UTC)
Hehe, for a moment, I thought you were going to say 'Cor Blimey, Mary Poppins!' ;)
Aug. 11th, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
I have to admit, I truly hated someone in politics a few years ago. I had to ask several friends, was I as bad as some of the people I see today? Luckily, most say no. Being on a side that lost and a side that won, I do see how what you said is true. Every political side needs a villian to make a point, every pro needs a con, every yin needs a yang. I'm a pretty middle of the road person and want to see all sides of an issue and there are issues that need serious debate, on the future, the present and what's in the mirror, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen on TV. So in the words of Senator John Blutarsky, "start drinking!" (John Belushi-Animal House)
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:35 am (UTC)
We're all partisan on occasion, though usually not all the time or on every issue. I know I am, but sooner or later, that stupid 'act like a grown up' chip in my brain sparks up and I find myself looking for the pros amidst the con or the con amidst the pros.
Aug. 12th, 2009 12:00 am (UTC)
Man, that would make my life so much easier! Damn me and my 'middle-of-the-road' 'both-sides-have-some-good-points' viewpoint! Instead of making me welcome everywhere, it's made me ostracized everywhere. :(

Politics is very much is a 'you're either with us, or against us' arena.
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:29 am (UTC)
Amen to that. I like talking politics, but only when it's an actual grown-up, two-way discussion. Sad to say, I usually end up on the receiving end of a rant.
Aug. 12th, 2009 09:36 am (UTC)
I've always liked Billy Connelly's advice on politicians.

If you wouldn't talk to 'em in a bar - don't vote for 'em! *g*

Of course - I also liked his opinion that Aussie politicians getting caught telling porkies, should be made to roly poly down the grass roof of Parliament House. *g*
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:27 am (UTC)
Lol :)
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

Things What I Wrote and Other Stuff

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