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I'm having a great time polishing up the final draft of the Fur-Face sequel, Barnum's Revenge.

I need to do some invisible blending (thread in the new sub-plot so folks will (hopefully) never know it was added later), but otherwise it's looking good.

For me, one of the best things about the revision process is when you come across a scene or some dialogue which you'd completely forgotten about, like this snippet, in which Snowy compares Benedict Barnum (the evil billionaire behind the animal experimentation in Fur-Face) to Sherlock Holmes's arch nemesis, Professor James Moriarty.

“You mark my words,” Snowy said, through a mouthful of crispy-snacks. “Benedict Barnum’s behind this. He’s like that Moriarty bloke from Sherlock Holmes. You know, the one they call, ‘The magnolia of crime’.”

Bill crouched down. Keeping his back to Aggie, he made a great show of stroking Snowy. At the same time, he lowered his voice so only the cat could hear him. “I think you mean Napoleon of crime.”

“I’ve heard it both ways. In any case, Barnum’s just the same. He’s like some evil octopus, sitting in the middle of his web, stretching his nefarious testicles out across the criminal world.”



How about you?

Care to share a favorite snippet from your current WiP?


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Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
maryjdal
Jan. 26th, 2012 03:02 pm (UTC)

I like your snippit but uhmm...maybe tentacles? small typo I think.
jongibbs
Jan. 26th, 2012 03:13 pm (UTC)
Lol, it's Snowy's typo, not mine :)
maryjdal
Jan. 26th, 2012 03:17 pm (UTC)
That's funny. :) I was wondering -
msstacy13
Jan. 26th, 2012 04:24 pm (UTC)
I thought he might be quoting "Ornery the ball sack..."
:)
bondo_ba
Jan. 26th, 2012 03:53 pm (UTC)
I'm at work, my snippets are at home... sigh.
jongibbs
Jan. 26th, 2012 04:13 pm (UTC)
We'll still be later :)
msstacy13
Jan. 26th, 2012 04:18 pm (UTC)
The magnolia of crime...
I wouldn't have guessed that Snowy was given to floqery language...
:)

Okay, since you've asked, how can I refuse?

There were more than forty of us there, all willing to help him with just about anything. As he glanced at us, sizing us up, I guess you would say, I realized that only a few of us would be chosen. I have to admit, I would have been relieved if he’d passed me over, although the thought of simply going home after all this was beyond me. So I suppose I was lucky. He grabbed me by the shoulder. First.

“Simon,” he said. I stepped forward, then took a few steps away in the direction he was pushing me. “Let’s call you Simon Peter.” I couldn’t argue with that. Simon is not an impressive name, but Peter comes from the Greek for rock, which suggests solidity, which may explain why it’s also used anatomically. Even so, it was flattering.

“Andrew,” he said, and my brother joined me. “James, and John. Let’s call you the sons of thunder.” I chuckled softly at that. Yes, they had deep voices, but it could also mean they were blowhards. Alright, maybe Peter suggested more than I would like to admit.
msstacy13
Jan. 26th, 2012 04:18 pm (UTC)
floqery???
flowery...
jongibbs
Jan. 26th, 2012 05:55 pm (UTC)
I like 'floqery' better :P
bogwitch64
Jan. 26th, 2012 07:21 pm (UTC)
I like floqery better too!
msstacy13
Jan. 26th, 2012 07:53 pm (UTC)



(Deleted comment)
jongibbs
Jan. 26th, 2012 05:56 pm (UTC)
nice one, Irene. I could really smell that old wood and horsehair :)
msstacy13
Jan. 26th, 2012 07:50 pm (UTC)
I was disctracted by the bead of sweat...
:)
starry_diadem
Jan. 26th, 2012 06:48 pm (UTC)
Nefarious testicles just made my day. Bless you.
jongibbs
Jan. 26th, 2012 07:28 pm (UTC)
Glad to be of assistance :)
(Deleted comment)
jongibbs
Jan. 27th, 2012 12:27 am (UTC)
how about something from Try Not to Breathe?

Edited at 2012-01-27 12:27 am (UTC)
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

Things What I Wrote and Other Stuff

No longer in print but there are still some copies floating around out there


No longer in print but there are still some copies floating around out there















 











THE MEAGER PUDDLE OF LIMELIGHT AWARDS


Books by my writer friends - compressed

NJ Writing groups - compressed

NJ writing conference - compressed

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