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A Letter From America - July 3rd 2009


Dear Mummsy,


The pigeon’s feeling a bit under the weather, so I’m sending this year’s letter over that new-fangled internet thingy I wrote to you about last time. 


We're all doing fine. How about you? Is the new draw-bridge finished?  Sorry to hear about the gardener’s little accident.  In hindsight, piranhas in the moat may not have been the best idea.  Who knew they could jump so high?  Still, he already has four children, and as you say, if he hadn’t been drinking on the job, he wouldn’t have needed the toilet in the first place.


You know I love it here in the USA, but these Americans are a peculiar breed.  No matter how many times I yell at them, they do keep driving on the wrong side of the road.  In the end, I've decided it's easier all around if I just do the same – when in Rome, and all that.


They continue to struggle with the language.  The other day, we had some workmen in the house. As you know, Senior Management doesn’t allow smoking inside, so I told them, ‘If you’re desperate for a fag, let me know.  I’ll take you out into the yard.’ 

Honestly, they looked at me like I was from another planet.  Don’t these people understand the Queen’s English?


We expect to see all manner of fireworks over the weekend, even though Bonfire night’s not for another four months.  Remember you asked me why they always celebrate this time of year, and I said it was to commemorate some film made by that Will Smith chap?  Seems I was mistaken.  Apparently, it has something to do with that recent skirmish back in the 1700s, the one we let them win. 


It’s strange how different cultures deal with sadness.  Tomorrow night, all across America, perfectly sane people will be out in their back yards, throwing teabags into swimming pools, singing, cheering, and enjoying the aforementioned fireworks. 


Where are the long faces?  Where are the flags at half mast?  Can you believe in five years here, I haven’t seen a single black armband? 


For Heaven’s sake, tomorrow marks the anniversary of the day these people gave up the chance to be British!  The way they carry on, you'd think they were happy about it.


Anyway, Mummsy, best be getting on. Things to do and all that.


Hugs and kissy-poos from all the family,


Your obedient son,



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( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC)
I've also been puzzled about why there's no sadness, but I think I may have finally understood. These people obviously have long memories, and the reason they're not sad is that they remember British food!
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:46 pm (UTC)
Fish & chips, steak & kidney pie, liver & onions - oh, how I miss you :(
(no subject) - bondo_ba - Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wordsrmylife - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mylefteye - Jul. 3rd, 2009 09:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 09:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
LOL Problem was, they WERE British, and remained so for quite some time before, during and after the revolution--hence the Puritan era, witch burnings, slavery and all that nice stuff. Nice to know both our countries have come a long way.

Oh, to add to your list of mixed up words, I didn't know 'fanny' meant vagina when I first went to England; it means butt over here. I told my husband to move his fanny in the pub when I wanted to get by to go to the bathroom. His friends all looked at me like I'd grown a second head. Then they explained.
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
Lol. Pissed means something quite different over there, too :)
(no subject) - ajjones - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ajjones - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
Priceless! And a Happy Traitors to the Crown Day to you, too!
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you kindly :)
Jul. 3rd, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
oh, but you see, we're not celebrating. We're warding off the evil spirits. Like the Chinese on New Years. ^_~
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:00 pm (UTC)
You ward off the Chinese on New Year's? Yet another American tradition of which I was unaware ;)

Edited at 2009-07-03 05:00 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - keireland - Jul. 3rd, 2009 08:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:22 pm (UTC)
Fabulous! Thanks for the chuckle. Sorry the brain's not functioning well enough to come back with something equally fun and quippy, but it's a bit mushy again today.

Happy Bastille Day! (Oh, wait a tick...)
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:27 pm (UTC)
Lol. Get well soon. I miss seeing your posts and comments about the place :)
(no subject) - bogwitch64 - Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:30 pm (UTC)
Ok, this was the smile I needed on a gloomy, rainy day!

The funny thing is, I have had two supervisors who were British, avid cricketers (poor guys), and supporters of most things British(not so much the monarchy). My late mother-in-law, on the other hand, was apparently a fan of all things Royal--need any commemorative plates, cups, saucers, mugs, or sets of 6 drinking glasses for, say, the coronation of the current Elizabeth? or perhaps the first wedding of the next in line?

Here's to several hundred more years of this particular peculiar relationship!
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:43 pm (UTC)
Oh I'm a big fan of Her Maj, and royalty in general (with the exception of Princess Di -the mawking sentimentalism over her funeral made me ashamed to be British. I like my grief served with a stiff upper lip).

Good luck with SPIDER FINGERS :)

Edited at 2009-07-03 05:59 pm (UTC)
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
LOL! Funny stuff!
Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
Jul. 3rd, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)

There are some words I've simply given up using altogether, sad to say. Which is funny, considering how better travelled on average the Canadians are... I won't give up "daggy" though!

At least I can get fish 'n' chips here *snark!*
Jul. 3rd, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
Okay, now I'm jealous :(
Jul. 3rd, 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
‘If you’re desperate for a fag, and can’t wait until you get home, let me know. I’ll take you out into the yard.’

Honestly, they looked at me like I was from another planet. Don’t these people understand the Queen’s English?

I just lost it there... and actually, we understand the *Queen's* English perfectly well. It's Prince Charles we can't und... oh, you meant in the greater sense. Nope.

As for the fireworks, that *is* how Americans express sadness. Haven't you ever seen a New Orleans-style funeral?
Jul. 3rd, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC)
'Haven't you ever seen a New Orleans-style funeral?'

Only in Live And Let Die :)
(no subject) - jjschwabach - Jul. 3rd, 2009 09:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 3rd, 2009 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 3rd, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC)
Well, New Orleans folk want to be present for their funerals. And you can see why. Jazz, parades... best time you'll ever have, and you're the guest of honor.
Jul. 3rd, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
They certainly give people a good send off :)
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 3rd, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
Hehe, I can imagine.

Have a great weekend :)
Jul. 4th, 2009 12:23 am (UTC)
Hahahaha! thanks. That was my great fun for the evening. And I'm still smiling.
Jul. 4th, 2009 10:00 am (UTC)
Thank you :)

how was Grim and Grimmer, and did you manage to hold off reading it for the full eight hours?
Jul. 4th, 2009 03:48 am (UTC)

Jul. 4th, 2009 10:02 am (UTC)
Thank you :)

I hope things go well at the orthopedist later.
(no subject) - kellyrfineman - Jul. 4th, 2009 02:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jul. 7th, 2009 12:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 4th, 2009 04:23 am (UTC)
*chokes* That was awesome!

I was in the supermarket with my father watching people stock up on beer earlier, and it struck me that we Americans love to celebrate the birth of our nation by getting really drunk and then setting off explosives, two things generally frowned upon when done together.

I'm not sure what that says about us. ;)
Jul. 4th, 2009 10:05 am (UTC)
Lol, when you put it like that...

Have a great weekend :)
Feb. 7th, 2011 04:12 pm (UTC)
"If you’re desperate for a fag, let me know. I’ll take you out into the yard.’ "

Oh, my - I almost spit coffee all over my computer!
Feb. 7th, 2011 10:34 pm (UTC)
( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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