or advice from an fb meme, both are often as relevant as is reading ones daily horoscope for free in the local newspaper. The advice is worth about what you paid for it. I have a friend who has studied astrology extensively, she gives the general tips on her website, and invites people to do their own work to learn more. I like her approach *vbg* A friend on fb linked to this blog piece with advice on the elegant art of not giving a shit, and I love the flow chart that goes with it, it has good basic advice - for neural-typical adults. I have been told by people who love me well, that I am no longer allowed to play the acquired brain injury card, but for this, I am going to.
I have my own version of not giving a shit. It isn't totally dissimilar from what is described here, except that rather than learn to recognise the beginning emotions and choose to do something else, I need to look at whatever has hit my particular triggers, analyse it and understand it, then move on. I was brought up debating politics and allowed to read pretty much anything. (Though I suspect Mum wasn't pleased when I found Dad's 50s era racy novels, and my brothers' stash of Easy Rider magazines* - possibly understandable as I was about nine at the time - mind you I also read Kafka and the complete works of Enid Blyton that same year ...) And to lose a huge part of my memory, being unable to recall names (I still struggle) and facts. I had to 'give a shit' or I'd have lost too much of myself. So I found ways to compensate for the brain injury. I often react/respond with my gut instinct, and I'm rarely wrong when I do that, but I still need to think, analyse and understand why something is so. How much time I allow that to intrude is directly related to how important the situation/people involved are to me. Only I can work that out, small stuff might just require me to double check some facts, bigger stuff, and emotions get as much time as they need til I understand. I don't put my life on hold while I do this, which is probably a very good thing.
So, if you haven't already, go read the Elegant Art of Not Giving a Shit, but remember, it's advice from a blog post, and only you can work out how much a shit you need to give and why :)
* I probably should have kept the magazines, 1975 - 79 copies of those in good condition would find a market today.
So, I’m not going to Wiscon next year.
There are lots of things I could say, but mostly they’ve already been said. I’m glad the concom appears to be rethinking their decision, but the fact that it had to be rethought at all is, well, I’ll settle for disheartening, though a stronger word would probably do better.
I wrote a much longer post, but really, everything in it has been said by others. But to me, it all boils down to Wiscon very clearly not having a functional harassment policy. There appear to be quite a few reasons this is the case, and none of them say anything good about how Wiscon is being run.
And the fact is, I love Wiscon. I go nearly every year. Hell, my whole family loves going. I was hoping, up until I saw the committee’s announcement last week, that they’d handle this. And then, desperately, that they’d handle the reaction–clarify somehow, or (way better, because even with the ambiguity about one or four years removed, it was still a bad call, and why do we care when or whether a serial harasser can apologize or not, exactly?) issue a new decision, because better late than never, right? But the comments and blog posts that I’ve seen over the last few days have removed all doubt on that score. The dysfunction on display has been such that even if the committee issued a new ruling tomorrow, I would have no faith they’d understood what had happened and why, and no faith that any future cases would be handled any better.
(And frankly, the stuff coming out just now about how Frenkel apparently lied about the nature of any NDA he might have had with Tor? Only makes things worse. First of all, like I said above, we care about him making an apology why exactly? This keeps Wiscon attendees safe how? And second of all, the guy’s a known serial harasser, and you take his word for this? And you’re shocked when it turns out he lied? Hello?)
Anyway. The end result of all this is, I’m not going to Wiscon next year. And won’t until I see a functioning harassment policy and very possibly a new set of names on the concom.
Mirrored from Ann Leckie.
Oh Wiscon, how could you? You were the darling of my convention season, with your feminist emphasis, your stout writer's track, your concern for multiple viewpoints, and your thoughtful programming. Have we just been living a lie?
I don't understand what's happening with your decision regarding Jim Frenkel. Because it seems so unlike you to put the needs of one harasser against the constituents of the convention.
Listen, I'm not going to go over my arguments again. Instead, I'm just going to link to the same post I put up for Readercon a couple of years back. Just change the appropriate personage titles and con titles, and we're good to go.
The issue, dearest Wiscon, is that you must protect your constituency. You're opening yourself up for legal action, should Frenkel harass someone on your watch. You are not equipped to evaluate psychological reform. AND, unlike the case of Readercon's harasser Walling, Frenkel was fired from his job for harassment. If anything, your case is less ambiguous than the Readercon case, yet they took the stronger action.
You know I can't come to the con now, right? I can't come because of where I come from, and what I stand for. I can't back your decision to say that's it's okay for a known harasser to come back based on arbitrary decisions you are not equipped to make professionally. You're letting us down, Wiscon.
What's sad is that you're going to take a membership hit. Wiscon, you are supposed to provide the safe spaces. I shouldn't have to be talking to you as a collective body about the issue of harassment. It's a no brainer at a feminist convention. Right? Right?
Give me some reason to come back next year, Wiscon. Grow a spine. Be what you pretend you are.
Otherwise, I will be writing you for a refund of my membership and my dessert salon ticket. Because you're no longer a con I want to attend.
Mirrored from Writer Tamago.
Today is supposed to be a writing post, but honestly – that’s not really going to happen. It’s been an… eventful…week, and it’s actually ramping up. I continued my word count progress – it may be small but it’s growing – around the North Texas Comic Book Show (managed to do a bit of editing there). I met a few people and sold a few books. It was good.
My dad was taken to the hospital on Monday evening. We still don’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s finally having some diagnostic work done (hopefully as I type) that will tell us what may be happening. But that’s a distraction no one could foresee. Forgive me if that takes a certain amount of precedence. And with it all, we had structural work done on the house this week, and my husband is fighting off something. And ArmadilloCon is coming.
So, I know it all comes off as excuses and such. But it is what it is. In all things, family comes first.
I did have a very heart-warming moment at NTCBS. There was an adorable little girl (who’s apparently a staple there) in a green tutu Riddler costume carrying a Batman Doll with a green tutu. I gave her a notebook and pen (also green…because Riddler, hello). And she zipped around getting quotes and stuff. It was the most adorable thing EVAR.
The next day I got emails from her mom and (apparently) aunt thanking me so much for that little act. And how much the child loved it. Almost made me cry. Will they be customers down the road? Maybe. Maybe not – the aunt did buy a coloring book to read to her new grandchild – but that kind of thing is better than a sale.
I bring it up – not because “aww, look at me”, but because I saw a post on Facebook a week or so ago about how swag was pointless. The only promotional thing an author needs to do is write the next book. And yes, that’s really, super important…but…swag (or promotional items) some opportunities can be lost. Especially at tables like the comic shows where someone might like YOU but is short of funds. A promotional item given freely is an impression on the potential customer. Something they can look at later – if they still have it, granted – and remember, “Hey, that person was cool, let me go ahead and check out that website now.”
It’s all important.
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