Dear Mummsy,
The pigeon’s feeling a bit under the weather, so I’m sending this year’s letter over that new-fangled internet thingy I wrote to you about last time.
We're all doing fine. How about you? Is the new draw-bridge finished? Sorry to hear about the gardener’s little accident. In hindsight, piranhas in the moat may not have been the best idea. Who knew they could jump so high? Still, he already has four children, and as you say, if he hadn’t been drinking on the job, he wouldn’t have needed the toilet in the first place.
You know I love it here in the USA, but these Americans are a peculiar breed. No matter how many times I yell at them, they do keep driving on the wrong side of the road. In the end, I've decided it's easier all around if I just do the same – when in Rome, and all that.
They continue to struggle with the language. The other day, we had some workmen in the house. As you know, Senior Management doesn’t allow smoking inside, so I told them, ‘If you’re desperate for a fag, let me know. I’ll take you out into the yard.’
Honestly, they looked at me like I was from another planet. Don’t these people understand the Queen’s English?
We expect to see all manner of fireworks over the weekend, even though Bonfire night’s not for another four months. Remember you asked me why they always celebrate this time of year, and I said it was to commemorate some film made by that Will Smith chap? Seems I was mistaken. Apparently, it has something to do with that recent skirmish back in the 1700s, the one we let them win.
It’s strange how different cultures deal with sadness. Tomorrow night, all across America, perfectly sane people will be out in their back yards, throwing teabags into swimming pools, singing, cheering, and enjoying the aforementioned fireworks.
Where are the long faces? Where are the flags at half mast? Can you believe in five years here, I haven’t seen a single black armband?
For Heaven’s sake, tomorrow marks the anniversary of the day these people gave up the chance to be British! The way they carry on, you'd think they were happy about it.
Anyway, Mummsy, best be getting on. Things to do and all that.
Hugs and kissy-poos from all the family,
Your obedient son,
Johnnykins
- Mood:
cheerful
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jongibbs- Jon Gibbs
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Comments
Are the British aware that cows and sheep also have something called "meat", which is rumored to be better than the strange little organs you're so fond of? Also that vinegar is just not something humans put on french fries?
:-P
Oh, to add to your list of mixed up words, I didn't know 'fanny' meant vagina when I first went to England; it means butt over here. I told my husband to move his fanny in the pub when I wanted to get by to go to the bathroom. His friends all looked at me like I'd grown a second head. Then they explained.
Edited at 2009-07-03 05:00 pm (UTC)
And booze. Lots of alcohol is imbibed. Except that the firecrackers don't seem to ward off those spirits.
Happy Bastille Day! (Oh, wait a tick...)
The funny thing is, I have had two supervisors who were British, avid cricketers (poor guys), and supporters of most things British(not so much the monarchy). My late mother-in-law, on the other hand, was apparently a fan of all things Royal--need any commemorative plates, cups, saucers, mugs, or sets of 6 drinking glasses for, say, the coronation of the current Elizabeth? or perhaps the first wedding of the next in line?
Here's to several hundred more years of this particular peculiar relationship!
Good luck with SPIDER FINGERS :)
Edited at 2009-07-03 05:59 pm (UTC)
There are some words I've simply given up using altogether, sad to say. Which is funny, considering how better travelled on average the Canadians are... I won't give up "daggy" though!
At least I can get fish 'n' chips here *snark!*
Honestly, they looked at me like I was from another planet. Don’t these people understand the Queen’s English?
I just lost it there... and actually, we understand the *Queen's* English perfectly well. It's Prince Charles we can't und... oh, you meant in the greater sense. Nope.
As for the fireworks, that *is* how Americans express sadness. Haven't you ever seen a New Orleans-style funeral?
Only in Live And Let Die :)
Have a great weekend :)
how was Grim and Grimmer, and did you manage to hold off reading it for the full eight hours?
I hope things go well at the orthopedist later.
Have you considered joining the New Jersey Authors' Network www.njauthosnetwork.com?
I was in the supermarket with my father watching people stock up on beer earlier, and it struck me that we Americans love to celebrate the birth of our nation by getting really drunk and then setting off explosives, two things generally frowned upon when done together.
I'm not sure what that says about us. ;)
Have a great weekend :)