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One-sided conversations


I had a long, and somewhat one-sided, discussion with one of my 16-yr-old autistic daughters yesterday.

Basically, she told me that, while she understood she'd been naughty, the punishment of taking her computer priviliges until after lunch seemed a little excessive and that, if her mother was around (Senior Management is off on a business trip for a couple of weeks), she'd no doubt agree.

When that approach didn't work, she resorted to questioning my parenting skills and even went so far as to suggest that my old gran's approach to discipline seemed positively indulgent compared to the strict regime I enforce at home.

Of course, what she actually said was, "LAPTOP! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! LAPTOP! I WANT LAPTOP! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! LAPTOP!" but over the years, I've learned to read between the lines. This went on for perhaps twenty-five minutes with me calmly walking her back to her bedroom (where she's allowed to vent her frustrations as loud and long as she likes) every time she ran downstairs to scream in my face.

My ears are still ringing.

Happily, she calmed down eventually and my (normally) cute and cuddly daughter came  back to me.

How was your weekend?



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( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
quaero_verum
Jun. 6th, 2011 03:23 pm (UTC)
You have infinitely more patience than I - clearly from necessity, no doubt - but I applaud you all the same. ;-)
msstacy13
Jun. 6th, 2011 05:21 pm (UTC)
It's an acquired skill, I think,
which grows with experience.
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jun. 6th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jun. 6th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
dlgarfinkle
Jun. 6th, 2011 03:51 pm (UTC)
Oy vey. That's tough. I think my weekend was better than yours.
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC)
It was only half an hour or so all told, otherwise we had a great weekend :)
karen_w_newton
Jun. 6th, 2011 03:55 pm (UTC)
ditto the above. it sounds almost like dealing with a toddler who never grows up. that would be really rough because I know that by the time my kids learned to do something for themselves, I was good and ready for them to learn it.

To me it was like going to sleep at night started a process of filling up a well of patience inside me. When I got up in the morning, I had plenty. Then throughout the day I would use it up, and if I had to go to the well too often, it would run dry. Parents of kids with special needs seem to have deeper wells than the rest of us.
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:02 pm (UTC)
'Parents of kids with special needs seem to have deeper wells than the rest of us.'

I really believe that Him Upstairs never gives us more than we can handle.
lyonesse
Jun. 6th, 2011 04:41 pm (UTC)
aiee, loud!!

today i took one of my friends to court to get an extension on a restraining order. (the previous one expired, and my friend was promptly harassed again.) i no longer remember the weekend at all :/
msstacy13
Jun. 6th, 2011 05:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
On behalf of everyone who needs help in obtaining restraint,
thank you.
(no subject) - lyonesse - Jun. 7th, 2011 03:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jun. 6th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lyonesse - Jun. 7th, 2011 03:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
msstacy13
Jun. 6th, 2011 05:23 pm (UTC)
When my son was young,
I developed a fondness for foam earplugs.
I still like them, although I don't need them nearly as often
now that he's grown and gone.
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:04 pm (UTC)
Why would earplugs make him more quiet? Surely a muzzle of some sort would have been more effective ;)
seekerval
Jun. 6th, 2011 05:38 pm (UTC)
Raising children with patience and compassion is a courageous thing to do. Children with special needs must require magnitudes more of everything. Blessings on you and all your family to help maintain your own equanimity.
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you. They're really very lovable most of the time, just like most kids :)
bogwitch64
Jun. 6th, 2011 06:28 pm (UTC)
Hey...that sounds an awful lot like my Gracie in her heyday, and she's not autistic. Screaming was her medium, and Grace was an artiste! I don't see that side of her often these days (she's nearly 20!) but once in a while--ah, the genius of her rages! Whole armies could be defeated by it.

Elder daughter's baby shower was this past weekend. It was GREAT!
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:06 pm (UTC)
The hardest part was not laughing.

I'm glad your daughter's baby shower went well :)
snapes_angel
Jun. 6th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC)
Always read between the lines. XD

Mine, a good part of it, was spent sleeping, as will a great part of the week, I fear.
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:07 pm (UTC)
Sleeping is good :)
jakobdrud
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:43 pm (UTC)
Sounds like you could do with a nice break from family life. How about a 400 mile hike in the Himalayas or a nice swim across the Atlantic, just to relax a bit? :-)
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 07:51 pm (UTC)
Lol, no thanks, Jakob. My kids drive me to distraction at times, but I wouldn't swap them for the world...well, maybe the world :)
(no subject) - jakobdrud - Jun. 6th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
birdhousefrog
Jun. 6th, 2011 10:23 pm (UTC)
Wow. Go you. Though, I do find it gets easy to be calm in the face of that. You just feel for them. And actually, if she was screaming in your face, she really was communicating with you. Tough parenting weekend, huh? Have a hug.

Oz
jongibbs
Jun. 6th, 2011 11:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Oz :)
wordsrmylife
Jun. 7th, 2011 01:11 am (UTC)
Oh dear. You are patient indeed.

My weekend was most excellent. In fact, it requires a post, asap.
jongibbs
Jun. 7th, 2011 02:45 pm (UTC)
I look forward to reading about it :)
ladysaotome
Jun. 8th, 2011 05:01 pm (UTC)
Youch - parenting can be so tough! My 7-year-old has her 1st crush (on a teenager) and it's such a delicate thing to deal with as we don't want to encourage it (society today has kids growing up way too fast) but we don't want to overreact either.

Fortunately she rarely throws screaming tantrums when she's unhappy. Her latest thing is to "punish" us when she's mad by stomping around chanting "I'm stupid" because she knows her dad's especially sensitive to her coming down on herself due to her dyslexia. Kids!
jongibbs
Jun. 8th, 2011 06:17 pm (UTC)
Can't live with them, can't take 'em back to the baby shop :(
(no subject) - ladysaotome - Jun. 8th, 2011 06:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
asakiyume
Jun. 11th, 2011 12:44 am (UTC)
I found myself thinking of you and your girls today. I hadn't left a comment on the day you posted this.

I was wondering, what does your daughter enjoy most about the laptop? Does she play games? Listen to music?

Anyway, sending you and yours lots of good wishes.
jongibbs
Jun. 11th, 2011 02:00 pm (UTC)
"what does your daughter enjoy most about the laptop?"

Somewhere, the guy who filmed the Disney movie, Dumbo while it was playing on his TV and posted it on YouTube is wondering why he gets so many hits :)
(no subject) - asakiyume - Jun. 11th, 2011 02:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jongibbs - Jun. 11th, 2011 02:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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